Was i raped/sexually assaulted?

why shouldn't i trust her? i love her

anon this is rape and your gf fucking sucks for even still acknowledging her friend's existence :( break up

idk i heavnt brought it up yet it was like 20 days ago and some other stuff inbetween happend and i'm scared to talk with her about this

well, you should talk to somebody about it, irl, even if it isn't her, initially. talking to somebody else who isn't directly involved in the situation might help you figure out what you want to say to your gf

i don't know who to talk to i just feel very ashamed, i kind of only have my classmates as friends and i only know them since like september

Listen, this is going to be hard but you need to sit down with your gf and put your foot down.
*You were raped.* Her "best friend" did something horrible to you and you are hurt by it and have been traumatized by such actions in the past. Tell your gf that yoj never want to see that "friend" again and that she shouldn’t see someone who raped her significant other.
If your girlfriend gets mad about this, I know this hurts, but then think about dumping her too. She should be appalled and abandon that friend herself, not be spending time with her. She can go date her best friend, if she wants to date a rapist so bad.
Don’t be a human doormat. They have no right to treat you like this and it will always be better to cut these people off than to let them poison your heart and laugh in your face everyday.

you don't have to talk to anyone until you're ready. but it can't hurt to look into calling or going to a crisis center, or finding a therapist or councilor at your uni, or something. and you don't even have to ever contact them. but it might make you feel less alone in these moments, if you can find someone with genuine compassion

should i really formulate it as a me or her thing too?
it's really scary
her friend who is also her ex, also did that to her when they broke up

i feel so alone with this

this other person sounds like really bad news. maybe you and your gf could find a way to confide in each other? she might be just the person you need to talk to about this, to feel better. maybe she feels the same way you do and is equally afraid to bring it up to you before she's worried how you will react

i mean i already told her i don't want to see her friend again and she was just expressing that she understood
for the friend it was like an adhd impulse control thing of hers

you can’t accuse RAPE with adhd. Take none of that bullshit. Adhd doesn’t remove any of your agency or responsibility and that’s a dumbass excuse. Are you all lgbt? Trannies? Jesus, I would suggest you date and befriend some more normal people and by that I mean well adjusted.
That "friend" is a deeply sad person if you excuse any action with adhd. She's making up a reason for why she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions

excuse**

ok, so here's my concern: your gf knew this was a possibility, and she brought this person who, whether or not it's her fault, is dangerous to other people, into your bed while you were vulnerable. that is, regardless of how bad she feels for her ex, at the very least, inconsiderate toward you. you have your own place, right? if you talk to your gf and it gets heated, you have somewhere to go. please don't hurt yourself. my dogs are also requesting that you do not hurt yourself. i wish i could give you a place to stay or something more than this. please know that you aren't alone

look you feel asleep in a bed with this person with your gf there. I don't want to be victim blamey here but what did you expect? And this "friend" stopped as soon as you said so. I mean your gf was there so she was apparently okay with this while you could not consent. You should have serious questions for her more than her friend honestly

she didn't know the full context, it must've looked to her like it was consensual
i'll try not to do anything stupid

You can get drunk and sleep in the same bed with people without raping each other, you know? What the hell kind of sentiment is that?

i just feel like i should be really sorry

no! you have nothing to be sorry for. you didn't do anything wrong

why do these things keep happening to me then

i wish could tell you why. i don't know why things like this have to happen to any of us. the one thing i am certain of, is that the fault, if that idea helps, does not lie with you. you didn't do anything wrong, and you have nothing to be ashamed of

it's just so much
i wish this never happened
i just want to fall asleep with a cigarette in my bed right now
people would just think it was an accident

please don't do that either. is there something you can do, to help yourself sleep? something you enjoy, that would help take your mind off this? is there something i can do? i quit smoking four years ago but i'll go buy a pack of camels and light one up with you, if you want

what do you mean lighting one up with me

idk, it's kinda dumb, i just meant i would post a picture of me with a cigarette, if it would help you feel like you were smoking with someone. it was mainly a social thing, when i smoked

that's very cute but i think it's best to keep your sobriety
we can write on discord a bit if you'd like my @is fragile__x

i'm sorry, i don't use any social media. i made a discord just now, my @ is schweregeist. i think i sent you a friend request? idk how discord really works sorry lol i have 2 friends irl and we keep in touch through text

I feel like I'm way out of line with the other responses here, but I'm just being honest:

everyone involved was intoxicated, including the person who touched you

you consented to sex with said person just a few hours earlier

you were willingly sleeping in bed with them after having sex with them

they stopped touching you when you said to stop

This is a grey area at worst, but equating it to rape is way off-base. If they were sober and you were drunk I would SORT OF see it as an assault. I'm not saying it was good behavior on her part, but I really do think you're making too much of it

I sympathize with you because you mention having a history of being assaulted, so I'm definitely not attacking you for reacting the way you did. Your feelings about it make total sense. But I think the replies saying "YES THAT WAS ASSAULT" are kind of irresponsible and might be contributing to making you feel worse

From the perspective of your gf and of your mutual friend who was "touching" you, they may legitimately not see that she did anything bad. There may have been no ill intent

only sensible reply itt

she woke up to the other woman groping her. there's no grey area there. just abusers rationalizing. this is a good girl, this is a sweet girl. this is a mother's angel. she didn't deserve to be groped in her sleep, nobody does. no matter how recently the person groping her has had voluntary access to her, sleep is a pretty hard line for the obvious reason that the person sleeping is not conscious

what is spooning

"spooning" doesn't leave bloody toilet paper like that

as someone who's never been raped, you should try not being in positions where you get raped

you mean like actually anywhere? a guy got me in a corner at a fucking lesbian bar once

yeah and then she said stop and the person stopped. OP probably needs to be more specific about why she thinks this is a crossed line. I dunno if I have sex with someone and then climb in bed with them a reasonable level of touching is on the table even if I'm asleep, if I wasn't okay with that I wouldn't be in bed with them. Like groping and holding me while I'm sleeping? yeah it's fine. Putting fingers or genitals in me? that would be out of line. But if the person stopped when I asked, like okay bad behavior on their part but maybe also missed communication on what they thought I would be okay with when I fell asleep with them.

neither does groping?

sure, fine, "groping" is the wrong word. "assaulting" or "raping" would be more appropriate. what part of the bloody fucking toilet paper is unclear to either of you? what part of that is "unspecific" in expressing where the line was crossed? i would wonder how you two live with yourselves, and then i remember: this website is full of predators. i'm glad OP left the thread

I said where the line would be for me. If a person was initiating any kind of sex with me while I was sleeping it would be assault but OP just says touching. If getting "touched" was the reason behind the bloody paper then she's leaving critical details out or there's a language barrier. OP certainly seems distressed about what happened but she also has a history with being assaulted before that could have been triggered.

No penetration = No rape. Go blogpost somewhere else

the picture is the critical detail. we're not in a position to be demanding detailed accounts or accusations from anyone on an anonymous imageboard, right? why are you so quick to demand the absolute truth from her, but you're willing to give the woman who raped her the benefit of the doubt? and why are you so insistently emphasizing her past history of being assaulted that could be "triggered," like a defense attorney? i'm here as someone who has also been victimized, for support. why are you here?

I'm not clear on how the bloody toilet paper relates to the post, desu

Op asked for people's opinions, and I think it's pretty clear she is very distressed and even traumatized about what happened. IMO, the details she shared do not line up with her reaction to them. I'm NOT saying she's wrong to feel the way she does or has to share all the lurid details or couldn't have been raped because everybody was drunk or anything stupid like that.

ok, look. in the first place she is german and speaks german as a first language, she says so earlier in the thread. so there is probably a bit of a language barrier. the severity of her reaction should give you a clue as to the relevancy of the OP pic

I think you're making an assumption and jumping to a conclusion that isn't coming from OP

okay then I agree with you. It seems likely that when OP says she woke up to being touched she means something much more severe than I would initially interpret that as. And anyway she should really talk to someone who can help her in person.