As a brown mtf is it possible to get a white mtf gf that isnt a gross polycule ketamine puppygirl

and then what?

Yes but only if you aren't a exclusive transbian. Noone normal likes transbians, bisexuals are fine tho

calm down, want to talk to people, realize i cant, isolate and cut myself, calm down, want to talk to people, realize i cant, isolate and cut myself, calm down, want to talk to people, realize i cant, isolate and cut myself,

Is that not harder than simply doing what you can't do over and over again until you figure out a way that you can? Even if you continue to fail, failing is better than trapping yourself in a pointless self-perpetuated cycle where nothing ever happens. Like, what's your endgame? If you think you're gonna die alone with wrist scars regardless, you might as well say fuck it, stop caring about whether you get something right or wrong, and just do it anyways, give yourself some better stories when you die

trying and failing drives me to suicide more than isolating. i can entertain myself because i know myself and when im alone nobody can hurt me. the world is harsh and im not strong enough to put myself out there or handle what comes at me. i should really learn that i cant do anything and if i truly deserved anything something wouldve come my way already

Are you happy when you isolate? And I don't mean content, or entertained, or any of that bullshit, I mean happy.

sometimes, certainly much happier than failing and being made fun of. i cant have everything but i do have the choice of picking the less painful option, which is isolating. shit gets bad if i think too hard while isolating but if im trying to socialize it gets bad immediately

hey don't hate on ketamine that stuff is great for dissociating from your body and fairly safe if used infrequently

no, all the troonsbians only date other white troonsbians

Polyamorous trans puppygirls on ketamine is peak white culture and I won't let you disrespect it.

being made fun of

Does this actually happen? Most people irl are normal, making fun of someone for general awkwardness or anxiety is a taboo. Can you recall the last time that this happened?

they don't exist

i can read people's body language and mannerisms, they dont like me. theyre making fun of me in their heads.

Ik that feeling it sucks, but imo isolating is the last resort I'd take.

isolating is only a choice i actively make if im presented with socializing, other than that i do it naturally.

I like puppy play but miss me with that poly ketamine shit

I'm a brown male, and this board handed my a free white mtf gf

Why do you want a white gf anyways? Don't you know we can't pass?

no tranny passes, they just hide they are amab up to a point, and some get clocked slower than others

All I can read and what happens in my head is

they can't stop thinking about me

People don't deserve you, you must understand that.

theyre all making fun of me because its funny seeing how i believe i can socialize and make friends when i really cant and im just an awkward loser

You are paranoid. Before you can change that, you have to rationally acknowledge that. People don't go about their day looking around the room and picking out people that they can make fun of. Feelings aside, you HAVE to know this. People are far more focused on themselves than they are on you
Hell, you're not even the only awkward person in the world, there are probably even people relating to and sympathizing with you in their head. Fuck, I probably would if I saw you in real life, if I even noticed you.

there are probably even people relating to and sympathizing with you in their head

even if they are they wouldnt be if they knew how horrible of a person i am

You're better off just getting a chaser. Mtfs belong to cis male chasers.

how horrible of a person i am

aside from being a shut in (not morally wrong, just unhealthy), what have you actually done to make you a (presumably unforgiveable) "horrible person"?

im just insufferable to be around and being a shut in does contribute to me being a horrible person. i cant keep up with people's energy and nobody can keep up with mine, im always left behind and forgotten eventually. i offer nothing of value to the lives of people who speak to me, im only spoken to when people are bored. i cant be grouped i cant be stereotyped i dont fit in anywhere, i am a unique person but unique has negative connotations here. i dont feel connected to anybody and nobody feels connected to me. i am dysfunctional horrible human being.

Most of these just seem like catastrophizing

i cant keep up with people's energy

there are people with the same energy level as you

im always left behind

are you left behind, or do you yourself leave out of a self-defeating fear that you'll eventually be left behind?

i offer nothing of value

Most people are boring as fuck and just looking for people to get us all through our shitty lives until we die. There are people who do fuckall with their lives and have no desire to change that and still manage to find people who care about them, I have zero doubts that you have something to offer

i dont fit in anywhere

most modern cliques are arguably defined by people's lack of ability to fit in. Not fitting in makes you unique, which makes you "cool"

unique has negative connotations here

where?

i dont feel connected to anybody

yet*

And beyond all of that, none of this is shit people would judge you for. People start judging other people when they have actually done something shitty to someone else. If people could actually read your mind, and find out all the things that you think about yourself, they wouldn't hate you, they'd feel sorry for you. And maybe that isn't necessarily a good thing, but it's far from judgement.
It's getting a bit late, so I can't be on for much longer. If you truly want to change, YOU have to do it. Stop giving a fuck about who might judge you, about how shitty you think you are, NOTHING will change if YOU don't do anything about it, and I KNOW that you want things to change, because you wouldn't be here ranting if you didn't. If you have insurance, wake up tomorrow and make an appointment with a therapist. I don't care if you don't think it will work, if you tried it before, blah blah blah, if you can financially afford it then just fucking do it. Talk through your shit for a few weeks, get comfortable with yourself, get the fuck off of Anon Babble (please), and then try to start talking to people.

are you left behind, or do you yourself leave out of a self-defeating fear that you'll eventually be left behind?

both

most modern cliques are arguably defined by people's lack of ability to fit in. Not fitting in makes you unique, which makes you "cool"

i dont fit into the group of people who made this a thing

where?

in the context of what im talking about

wake up tomorrow and make an appointment with a therapist. I don't care if you don't think it will work, if you tried it before, blah blah blah, if you can financially afford it then just fucking do it. Talk through your shit for a few weeks, get comfortable with yourself, get the fuck off of Anon Babble (please), and then try to start talking to people.

im a burden to my parents, i can get myself to therapy and even if i could it would be a waste of time since i would have to sift through so many different therapists to find the "right one" and even then, im incapable of being helped. any coping mechanisms or anything like that i could learn are destroyed instantly in the real world and i go back to the way i was before.

i probably wont get off Anon Babble even though its toxic and even though i feel like i dont even belong here, its the only place where i can scream endlessly into the void to vent in some way. i can say basically anything here, i can be as mean as i want to myself and it can be written off as a joke and can be ignored without any feeling of guilt

yes

me

If you don't follow my advice, you will be in the same place you are right now five years from now. Ask yourself if you really want that to be your fate. Endlessly screaming into the void with no one but people just as miserable as you to scream back. No consequences, nothing ever happening, just an endless cycle, essentially hell. You will only come to regret it more and more every day that you don't do it, days will become months, and then years, and then you'll be sitting in your room with nothing but bloody arms and regrets. Getting better is hard, but at least it's something other than this.

im a mexican transbian and i lowkey want to date a disgusting neet ketamine puppygirl type of white tranny, just to know what its like. no poly though if she cheated on me im sneaking in her room at night with a gun, get on top of her sleeping body, wake her up and shoot myself in the head

thats cute

the world is indescribably harsher than how i treat myself and live my life day to day. therapy simply does not work and on top of that im just a burden to my parents, i make both of them so angry because im mentally ill and been to two wards.