be me
be diagnosed bpd when i was a kid, im still not sure what it is
meet a younger boy
there is nothing special about him, he isnt hot but at least isnt ugly
we keep meeting for no reason, we hang out and eat, then start kissing and eventually start having sex
he gives me attention and i fall in love to him but im afraid to tell because he's younger
now he is the most special, cute and hot so i CAN'T lose him
<a month later
he talks about going out with another girl, during sex. And talk to me as if i was his sugar mommy.
i get really sad and angry, am i really not good enough after all i have done for him? taking him to restaurants, buying him clothes and gifts
i realize there is nothing special about him, he never did anything for me other than give me attention, and now we had a fight he doesnt even do that
we keep fighting for over a month, over the same issues
i tell him he dont care about me, and he tells me that i dont value when he does and just blame him over and over
i really need to end this horrible cycle, i love him but he isnt into me, fighting just hurts us both, im not even sure whats the truth now. Deep inside I trust him but the voices tell me he's just manipulating me. What for? Im not sure, some lousy cheap clothes and free food? Makes no fucking sense.
Im constantly fighting over saying im sorry because all this fight its dumb, and blaming him for not doing enough, for not apologizing enough, for not being better, for not being as good as he was before we fight
i wish somebody reasonable told me he's is right, and that im wrong and should change.