I’m a really feminist girl...

anon your therapist meant that **having** feelings is valid and that whatever you feel is okay. How you externalize that and your behavior with others is what can be invalid. Basically your therapist is telling you that feeling transphobic is valid but you should shut the fuck up and work really hard to be better to other people

make friends with trans people and be cool

its because you think theyre men talking over women on womens issues instead of a different category of women fighting the same struggles you face (outside of reproductive issues, but just as barren women would fight they do to). this isnt entirely your fault, but if you do want to change, seek to understand what makes trans women women and i think those feelings will go away.

a few underground radical feminist concerts and stuff. It’s all girls, then a few 6’2 men with full beards stampeding around

i do have trans friends, i respect them but behind their backs i feel like i hate them deep down. Ive had a lot of issues with my own femininity so maybe (probably) im just projecting. Idk. I also look a little boyish and have been made fun of dozens of times for being trans when i’m not. So yeah it’s probably just hate for myself that i’ve pushed on other people

lol no you're right actually, that is weird
but you shouldn't exclude trans women

nationalist

marched against feminists who were holding an anti-trans rally

detest feminism in general for turning men and women into competitors on a bullshit DEI stacked playing field instead of partners backing each other up

have a trans gf, never going to have to deal with feminism because she is based & trad

I will love and support her until I ascend from this existence and be forever thankful to her for supporting me

feminists settle with a sub-par weak male or die miserable and lonely

Universe just werks

sounds like you're projecting. stop that.

have been made fun of dozens of times for being trans when i’m not

Shouldn't that show just an ounce of what we go through in life? If anything it should give some perspective and solidarity with us.
Unfortunately your feelings are pretty common is cis women that have that experience though, so it's not like you're uniquely wrong for that.

i wish it did but no, i think it’s a lot of just my own personal experiences with trans people, especially entitled one thinking they can be weird and mean to me because “we’re both girls”. I’m just trying to get advise on how to be less of a hater lol

they can be weird and mean to me because “we’re both girls"

that's annoying. i don't talk to a lot of other trans women because of that weird over familiarity. there's a lot of weirdo trans ppl, but there are also some cool ones.

finally someone reasonable lol, i’m trying not to over generalize. But yeh every trans person i’ve met has seemed to just be rly touchy and not care about my own personally boundaries and feelings. I get it, if your used to being bullied then you meet someone’s who’s overly nice, i get feeling like you can get comfortable. But girl, get your sweaty hands off my shoulder, i have the decency to not be mean to other people so you should have the decency to keep your hands and thoughts to yourself

I’m like this too and desu having trans friends is actually what made me transphobic at first, since they didn’t go along with anything I had previously believed about trans people. The people I knew who transitioned didn’t have much “reason” to do it, it’s not like they were way more femme/masc than others for their entire life, it just seemed like one day they decided it would be fun to change their name and pronouns and have everybody go along with it — And this event was generally not occurring at the peak of their good and sensical decision making. At the end of the day I think part of it is that I’m insecure and hate being the center of attention, so I actively avoid it at all costs, but people who transition are consciously walking into an extremely negative spotlight, and I just can’t comprehend that action or how it could ever possibly be worth it. It’s made worse if you’re a feminist type because you’re probably already disillusioned with womanhood and want the experience to be different so it’s even harder to imagine a good reason why someone would want to become a woman. What I’ve come to terms with is that there isn’t any one overarching philosophy of gender that’s ever going to explain the “why” of transition to me, it’s probably something I’m never going to get like believing in god, but I can still respect it and understand how it holds value to people.

i think those people might just be assholes outside of being trans, i'm ftm but back prior to coming out i'd try to fit into female friend groups and due to being a massive autist i'd get shit like this where they'd claim to be joking and it just being girl banter but through the power of an autism diagnosis and therapy i figured out they were just bullies. i'd imagine if there are cis people who hide themselves just being bulliese behind it being girl banter so they can get away with it then there are probably trans people who are also just bullies trying to hide from being called out as a bully by calling their behaviors banter

yeah same, the 2 trans people i know are both white and financially well off, and pretend to have autism. And online it seems to be the same thing almost every time

a few 6’2 men with full beards stampeding

Those aren't women, if they were trans women they would try to pass

wearing trans pins

wearing lipstick

sometimes have long dyed hair

You know what maybe your right chief

if it helps you understand at all some trans people tried to hide being trans from others and themselves by trying overly hard to fit into their expected gender roles, or some trans people will start realizing something feels wrong with their gender and think they just need to be more typically feminine/masculine to fix how they feel. i'm ftm but when i first started feeling gender dysphoria i didn't know being trans was a thing and i fogured i just wasn't girling hard enough so i tried to be more typically fem (didn't work obviously lol). there are also just gender nonconforming trans people (transfem tomboys, transmasc femboys) just as there are gender nonconforming cis people

there is a MASSIVE crossover between being trans and autistic, to the point where if i remember correctly there are actually more autistic trans people than non autistic trans people

So, feminism is just for your own select club of heteronormative white women, and you only enlist minorities to serve your own ends, not theirs.

trust me, it's even worse when you're both trans. TW just assume that all other TW are dtf and poly. it gets real annoying

everyone everywhere in the entire world is obsessed with fitting in. Another thing that gets under my skin with trans people is thinking they’re the only one experiencing social ostracism.

the people i know actively make fun of people who you can tell they’re disabled by just looking at them, and don’t understand and are mean to me about how i feel when im personally having a little bit of a meltdown from them being so loud and needy all the time. It’s just a scapegoat that allows you to now have to social filter everyone else in society puts on

i think trans people should have rights, i really do. But trans rights can be fought for without invading female safe spaces.

oh we absolutely aren't the only ones i'm just saying this is why someone who doesn't fit the view of how you expected a trans person to be pre coming out can still be trans

ok yeah those people are just dickheads trying to have an excuse for their shitty behavior

There aren't many groups who experience ostracism as bad as trans people. People with certain mental illnesses and disabilities probably face a similar of ostracism and isolation, but that's about it.

Just want to say as someone with physical disabilities that the ostracism you face is far worse than what other marginalized groups do. It's hard to even get a basic job as employers look at you and figure you're less valuable than anyone else applying. People tell you you're probably better off dead and it's honestly difficult to poke any holes in the argument from the perspective of you being unable to achieve the same basic accomplishments as your peers. I imagine it's probably not as bad if you're retarded, you have a lot more difficulty comprehending all the bullshit.

I think it’s a little more complicated for me to understand this stuff because I did actually want to be a boy for a large portion of my childhood but only because I thought it would confer me a competitive and social advantage and also I thought I would look more attractive as a boy than I did as a girl. I continued feeling this way on and off throughout until I started seriously thinking about it and realizing the drawbacks (the boys I liked probably wouldn’t like me back, people would make fun of me, etc) would be way bigger than any advantage I would get. After high school I also had a glow up which led me to actually liking my body for once, and I stopped thinking about being the opposite gender. So I understand the impulse to an extent but the act of transition itself still seems impractical to me in the same way as going to college for music or fine art.

try to injest ideas that arnt... reductive. there are feminisms that are less "woman vs men" and more "system of oppression that binds everyone, even if it benefits men mostly." Honestly a large part of it, as the main reason terf shit is popular is because it paints men as oppressors and woman as victims as a simplification of *everyone* being a vector for bigotries to fester, along side sexism encoraging men to be awful by rotting their ability to see a class of people as human, which harms them as well, even if it isnt direct violence.

I’m just spittballing here but I’m guessing feminism appeals to you because you feel personally victimized and want to feel that sort of righteous good vs evil feeling. I’m not saying women aren’t oppressed or anything but It seems you are less interested in solving that and more interested in maintaining a friend/foe dichotomy.

we need way better social understanding and education on what gender dysphoria is. all your feelings are exactly why so many detransitioners are afab, and none of what you described is gender dysphoria. people who have gender dysphoria and transition to treat it do so because they literally cannot handle the way their body is developing due to their brains harsh rejection from whatever went wrong during their prenatal development.

the only time ive ever heard cis people get the feeling of gd correct is when afab detransitioners describe the horrors of their body masculinizing from their testosterone induced male puberty. it truly is agonizing.