Alone. How do i deal with being alone? I have next to no friends...

i want to kill myself so badly

i can relate OP. I dont do anything either and there is no life left in me

if you figured out how tell me because i am dying here

weed and trying everything possible to distract from suicidal ideation

its not going great

i have a habit of nuking bridges every 1-4 years or so. like hitting reset button.
and i will be alone for uncertain amounts of times.
then there is someone new and off we go.
until the next one.

i dont think i will ever change.
that's just the way it is.

you are the animal features anonette who posted yesterday
i don't have weed can't get it

haha.. thats me alright....

well, its bad to cope with addiction anyway, just try and get immersed in something

nothing works anymore and the clock is ticking for me so i don't what to do
this character is cute but she needs to stop destroying her toys

i think i found it on gelbooru while looking through animal tags.

and that sucks, i've been feeling a lot like that too lately, its hard when its all so isolating, i dont know what sorta advice to give here anon

Grindr

may one day we achieve what we want and then we will be abele hug each other anonette

Indeed, i hope it's out there, for both of us.

I kinda just internalized I'll always be alone and that's fine I'll still feel lonely from time to time but there's nothing to but done about it

Get a bf

if you want you can post your discord
it can be tough to restart but I promise it gets easier once you make friends again due to the snowball effect

I've been through it and there isn't a special way, it can genuinely be tough. But if you want we can see if we could be friends together

r u transmasc

Cis man here, here's my advice:

How do i deal with being alone?

By making or joining a social circle of people IN REAL LIFE (NOT ONLINE) who have HOBBIES or INTERESTS that you share.

i keep joining trans spaces and find nobody worth talking to

Start joining NON-TRANS spaces then. The key would be for you to BE PLEASANT in your behavior. Meaning: Act polite and interested in the people of any new group of people you decide to join, and reciprocate the positive attention you get from others.
Understand that if you're joining an existing group of friends or acquaintances you'll be considered a stranger/the new guy/girl for a while.

coming out as trans made me lose nearly every irl ""friendship"" i thought i had

That sucks, however since you're trans now that will act as a filter that will deter intolerant people automatically so you won't waste time with them.

i basically do nothing, i feel compelled to do nothing

THIS IS YOUR MAIN OBSTACLE and the first thing you should fix.
And the reason is: Friendships are born out of SHARED INTERESTS, ACTIVITIES AND VALUES OUTSIDE OF WHAT'S MANDATORY (aka WORK).
E.g. You can only become friends with your coworkers if you ALSO share things (interests/hobbies/values/etc) OUTSIDE of work.
The same applies to other students if you're attending college.

If you can't or don't want to make friends at work or school then JOIN A HOBBY CLUB OR SPACE where people gather to enjoying DOING SOMETHING in their free time. And if you don't have any hobby or interest right now (which I doubt since you're on Anon Babble, a collection of hobby imageboards) then TRY NEW THINGS until you find SOMETHING that you enjoy DOING FOR FUN.
And then look up on your local area/city/town for places where people interested in that something gather to have fun.

The key is for you to BE PLEASANT (or learning how to be pleasant to people you meet if you aren't) and to GO OUTSIDE AND SOCIALIZE FACE TO FACE.

(Part 2)
If you need practice socializing you can always look for big online forums based on your hobbies or interests. With one caveat: it must be populated by at least RELATIVELY NORMAL PEOPLE.
Not Anon Babble, not discord, not a subreddit full of basedboys.
That should teach you in part how to behave like a normal functioning adult human being during conversations, which is more or less NECESSARY when meeting new people IRL, even if that people are autistic themselves.
I.e. Nobody trusts a newcomer that acts weird, but most people can accept the weirdness of people who're perceived as already part of the group (unless the group's values are very intolerant to individuality or people not conforming 100% to whatever the group informal leaders consider to be desirable).

P.S Well, what are you waiting for?
You've things to do, assuming you want to SOLVE THE PROBLEM of being alone.

P.S 2 If it needs to be clarified, caps are for emphasis, I'm not shouting.
Wish you the best.

who have HOBBIES or INTERESTS that you share.

my current INTEREST and ideally HOBBY would be to NOT BE IN CONSTANT AND WORSENING PHYSICAL PAIN and GET EFFECTIVE HEALTHCARE
kind of a bad starting point
cis mang too

Go see a doctor and he'll prescibe you meds and/or treatment to fix the physical pain.

And if you live in a country with shitty healthcare, make it a PRIORITY to get a better paying job so that you can afford what you need.

add me on discord i need friends, yukonbypup

Also, I'll elaborate on why I recommend big online FORUMS over other avenues of online communication to practice socializing.

Big online forums have:
1) A large enough population/userbase that makes it easier for you to find people who shares what you like.
2) Forums' interactions are influenced by the REPUTATION and PREVIOUS ACTIVITY of each user, and you generally have an ACTIVE MODERATION STAFF working on keeping undesirables (trolls, criminals, etc) out.
Well-behaved (civil) users are allowed to stay while bad actors are removed, blocked and/or ignored, which promotes people being POLITE when discussing and talking about things.
This is far better for someone like OP who seemingly lacks experience socializing.
3) While forums DO have their own problems (such as snobby and powerhungry mods and admins sometimes throwing a tantrum over something they personally disagree with, i.e. abusing their power instead of limiting themselves to their stated role of moderators), most of them can be prevented or its effects mitigated if the forum's userbase is big, since the most corrupt/powerhungry mods are more often than not in forums with fewer users, and even if they're present they can be easily ignored (unlike in small forums, where mods tend to engage more with the regular users).
Even with their defects, they are much more likely to provide a BETTER EXPERIENCE for new users than other types of social platforms (such as anonymous imageboards or chat rooms likely filled with groomers/criminals trying to sell you drugs or harm you in worse ways).

E.g. Since OP likes anime she could look for a big anime forum, join it and enjoy talking with people who also likes it. Then, assuming that forum has some form of OFFICIAL MEET UPS she could try going to one (once she has already made some connections with other anime fans there).
Or even better yet, she should look for anime or anime related clubs IRL. E.g. University anime club, art/comic club, etc.

nigga stop fucking yelling its obnoxious
yeah but that's what it comes across as. either that or drawing out the word in emphasis like im some kind of retard who needs the clarification

I know it's annoying, but it's effective in the sense that HIGHLIGHTS the core elements of the points I'm trying to make. Without some way to highlight words most people will glance at my admitedly wall-of-text posts and not bother reading any of them out of laziness.

or drawing out the word in emphasis like im some kind of retard who needs the clarification

Most people in Anon Babble are lazy and have a very limited attention span. If you know a better way please let me know.

trying
transwoman
i've kind of added a lot of people from discord, who just exchange a few short words then sort of never message me again, i dont know if thats the route i want to go down for online friends

More examples: OP could go to anime conventions, learn how to draw or take drawing classes (ideally somewhere with an obvious anime bias or were anime fans gather such), go to local comicshops that have group activities. Or literally anything else that you find interesting or fun.
There's a myriad of things to do, specially in a city or a big town.

My main point is that if you want to make new friends you need to do things that you find entertaining with other people and talk to them with some regularity.
You don't have to take my word for it btw: remember how you made friends in your childhood and HS. You didn't just become friends out of nowhere, you spent a lot of time doing fun activities and talking face to face until eventually familiarity set in and you mutually considered yourselves friends. Making friends in adulthood isn't too much different except instead of a school setting you've your workplace, university and places where people go with the intent to socialize and have fun.

trying

NTA but having a social circle of friends IRL in your local area could help you with that, specially since you're trans and into anime. Besides anime traps (otoko no ko) have made weebs way more accepting of transwomen than other nerd subcultures.

NTA but having a social circle of friends IRL in your local area could help you with that,

trying

trans spaces are full of autistic agps, it’s better to avoid them

that has been my experience going to trans specific meetups and events. i clearly don't fit in with the autists and i find it even more isolating and upsetting than my already very, very solitary life

drop discord

Get yourself some frens from Anon Babble. Worked well for me. Met a few people from here who live reasonably close that I meet regularly. Also great for sex.

I'm not American (as my ESL grammar and typos denote), but if you are, have you tried searching for anime conventions in the US?
animecons.com/events/schedule.php?loc=us
There's a lot of them, and they must have their own social media pages and online groups (maybe even forums). That could be useful to you.

i have met two people from Anon Babble in my city, one of them is a friend, the other i had to block and avoid, i haven't been able to meet a single person from here otherwise despite lurking frengen, several threads, even soc
i'm australian, anime conventions aren't worth the effort or expense
picrel

yeh it’s kinda isolating if ur a normal tranny online, do u have a job or something u can make friends at? could maybe work
friends aren’t for sex get a bf

yeh it’s kinda isolating if ur a normal tranny online, do u have a job or something u can make friends at? could maybe work

i'm kind of unemployable and don't really get out very often

You're probably not talking about me but you very well could be. There are basically two reasons why I stop talking to people. Number one it's simply not working out. If the chat doesn't flow it's tiresome having it. Basically when except for a few initial messages no real dialog is developing. And if I feel like it's not flowing well I will stop messaging first and if the other person doesn't try to initiate any conversation themselves I'll leave it at that.

The second problem is when you post your discord on here you'll often get flooded with requests. And juggling that many chats is socially exhausting. So very often I'll just not get to messaging everyone equally and things die down. I find this really sad because there were a bunch of people I really liked to chat with that just died off, but to some degree it's of course also the problem of them not taking initiative.

Generally it's very often especially with socially inept trans women that if I don't keep up the conversation and chat them up daily the conversation just dies down. And this costs energy so if you don't put in the effort to also from time to time I initiate the conversation I'll drop you

i'm australian, anime conventions aren't worth the effort or expense

Mmm I see. Still, there has to be places where anime fans meet. Have you checked australian anime forums? The biggest comicshops? Video game forums (usually anime adjacent given the best console games usually come from Japan)?

Just to add to this, you know you found a real friend if you can drop the chats for a few weeks and at some point they hit you up again and you talk like there never was a break.
Met one person I only chat like once a week with, sometimes weeks without messages, but when we chat it's great.

Even if those don't have forums, usually comicshops have social media accounts and people commenting on their posts. That could lead to anime groups online too.

OP could use a personal Twitter/X account to meet people through that platform by interacting with people (E.g. By retweeting and commenting their posts regularly).
An attractive twitter profile would obviously be needed, and it'd have the advantage of letting others know how she is and what she likes, which would help as a self-selecting filter.

With a caveat of course: Don't post your Twitter/X account here for your own safety. Basic internet etiquette.

I don't know.

i do have a personal account
i wont post it here
i do post things there
i dont get much interaction with it

tagmap, frengen, school, work, bars?

I dont check the tagmap very often but again, where i am is kinda sparse. I do occasionally ctrl+F for people in frengen and get nothing, i'm 26 and havent been in school for years and probably wont be going back anytime soon, i'm unemployable and i've tried going to bars and clubs which is either

it's a queer event at a bar, which means the only people who come up and talk to me are fat autistic hons

or

it's just a bar, in which case nobody talks to me because most people who go to bars, go with people

Don't listen to people recommending bars if you aren't American. Going to a bar to meet new people is a weirdly American thing.

The place where you are most likely to meet friends is at your primary occupation, i.e. school, uni or work. After that are hobbies like sports clubs and stuff like that.
For dating there's of course also online dating. But that sucks

i do have a personal account

i wont post it here

Excellent.

i do post things there

i dont get much interaction with it

Mmm. Have you only interacted with other trans people or have you tried becoming online friends with cis people too?
Have you posted a photo showing your body (public face photos are not recommended for safety reasons) since your intention is getting a bf?
Have you tried creating original content (e.g. memes) or posted commentary or something that might give people an excuse or a reason to start interacting with you? I would advice against political commentary, but usually people gain followers on Twitter/X by posting things that other people like/find interesting enough to retweet.

i dont really post my face or body at all, for anyone, ever. its nothing to write home about.

i try to make friends with cis people more often than not.

i dont have any reason why people might want to interact with me

i dont have any reason why people might want to interact with me

Don't say that. Most of my friendships started because I wanted to have sex with someone...
It might often not work out but by trying to fuck someone you inevitably get closer and you may find the other person likable outside of being horny

i think im gonna kill myself

That's actually also not the worst strategy. Like not actually doing it but being close to. Many people will try to help and support you through your rough time allowing them to get closer to you

you know whats crazy is that everyone who knows me knows im at risk but they dont really do that, they cant really support me in any meaningful way so i get a lot of "im sorry"

Maybe then better to do the want to have sex with you strategy. I would never let someone kill themselves before I had sex with them

Instagram and TikTok could help for this too. Even if you don't create original content, if you become a regular commenter of a popular content creator you're bound to raise people's attention if you have an attractive or enticing profile picture.

i dont really post my face or body at all, for anyone, ever.

Well, you are doing ok not posting your face online (for safety reasons, same for pictures which might containt stuff that might identify you IRL) but if you're looking to get a bf online you pretty much HAVE to post a photo showing a least partially your body in whatever platform you're looking to get someone.
I'm obviously NOT talking about nude or partially nude pics or anything like that, but you should at the bare minimum have a body photo that shows that you're not obese or something like that (And if you are fat, at least that photo will tell potential mates about it so they known beforehand and don't waste if your time if they're not interested).

its nothing to write home about

Even if that's the case, as a cis man that only dates women (both biological and trans) I can assure you that MOST bodies are attractive to at least a few millions of MEN. Even if they're barely feminine, as long as they're NOT OBESE (and even in those cases, there's still hundreds of thousands of men who are chubby chasers).
You don't have to believe me either, literally look at the bodies of people in amateur porn. Curvy, flat, hourglass or square shaped, tall, short, thin, fat, etc. Men's sexual standards are INCREDIBLY LOWER than biological's women.
It's only the latter who're actually picky about body shape, and they project their high physical standards onto men.

Most men (myself included) don't really care that much about body shape. What we do care about is how women look CLOTHED.
We do care A LOT about that in fact. It's the main core of visual eroticism and femininity.
(Part 1)

What we do care about is how women look CLOTHED.

i cant really afford female clothing so my entire wardrobe is basically dogshit

(Part 2)
Meaning, women's sex appeal has quite a bit to do with how their clothes make them look, which is the reason why there's a billion dollar clothing industry based on making women look erotic and beautiful IN CLOTHES.
Lingerie being the most obvious type of clothing, but it also applies to many other types too. E.g. Most female clothes are made to visually stimulate men's IMAGINATION by suggestion. Cleavage for example is an integral part of most dresses, and downblouse angles are one of the forbidden fruits for men's eyes.
Shapewear, dresses, skirts, tops, etc.
There's too many examples of female clothing made to entice the male brain and increase the woman's sexiness regardless of how her body looks like.

Same with HAIRSTYLES when it comes to cuteness and sexiness. You would be surprised how much of a difference a hair style can make in how a person looks. I personally love women with bangs btw.

How? Aren't you a transwoman?
I don't know what to tell you. Get a job, ask a family member money to buy some, something.

You don't need anything fancy. But at the very least you should get a skirt and a couple feminine t-shirts.

And get makeup if you haven't already. Literally ALL women use it, and men love it.

yes im a transwoman, i just feel too ashamed to really ask for help regarding buying clothes, its not like i have no money i just dont have the confidence to go out and buy clothes, last time i tried to buy a bra i panicked, went home and cried because of how overwhelming it was

itt: world's most autistic chaser
dont get a skirt op

i have a bit of makeup

noted

i just feel too ashamed to really ask for help regarding buying clothes,

Well, you'll have to get over it. If you're a transwoman you WILL have to wear women clothes at some point AND eventually you'll have to show your body to a man. There's no escaping that. We're not an asexual species.

Good.

If you've better advice by all means give it to OP. Like I said I'm a cis man, I can only speak from my point of view.

i just dont have the confidence to go out and buy clothes, last time i tried to buy a bra i panicked, went home and cried because of how overwhelming it was

Confidence isn't innate but BUILT/GAINED by action.

Nobody is born confident about anything. You become confident about being capable of doing something after you've achieved completing smaller/less challenging tasks.
If buying underwear feels too much start by buying something simple and innocuous like a feminine looking t-shirt.

wya?

sydney australia

If buying underwear feels too much start by buying something simple and innocuous like a feminine looking t-shirt.

okay, i guess if i see a feminine looking tshirt that isnt 30 dollars ill buy it

You could also ask a trusted female family member if she can lend you some clothes or help you shop too.

i'm 6'2" and nothing they've given me so far really fits

Even if OP is still in the closet, nothing would prevent her from asking her family where to buy cheaper clothing in general.

I don't know how things are in Australia but it's likely there's a shopping district or area in whatever city OP's in where people with lower incomes shop.

Well, then you'll have to search for clothing shops that cater to tall girls. It's surely going to be a bit more expensive, but you need clothes nonetheless.

Also don't feel discouraged about your height.
I'm a 6 feet man and never had any issues going for taller women. Only weak men are intimidated by that.

i'm not too worried about my height, im just worried that i look and sound like a guy

just llost the only person i had. i tried

get added by someone who insisted for my discord from this thread, even after i said i don't really think these sorts of random discord-adds work out

they're ESL and likely autistic, can't get the hint that what they're saying is quite annoying or pestering me for answers that i've already said before

eventually they start being creepy

>"I tried"

ah well that's the caliber of poster i get i guess

Make up and female clothes + feminine hairstyle will help you with your looks, and I'm not sure about the voice but IIRC people can learn to intonate or alter the way they speak to some extent (otherwise voice actors wouldn't have a job).

female clothes + feminine hairstyle will help you with your looks

i feel like a lot of it right now is clothes, but i should get a haircut

i bumped into someone i knew pre-transition the other day and they didn't notice it at all, so i dont know, things feel somewhat bleak

Haircut and style makes a huge difference in the way a person's face looks.
If you need proof of this look for pictures of women trying different haircuts. They look nothing alike.
You should go to a hair stylist/professional hairdresser and ask them for a catalogue of haircuts (they all have one) and ask them for recommendations based on the SHAPE of your head (this is a CRUCIAL factor when deciding on a haircut). Some head shapes combine better with certain haircuts than others. The other crucial factor is what TYPE of hair you have (Not just shape but also density). This is best left to a professional, but ultimately YOU have to choose the haircut yourself from the recommended options you're given.

i bumped into someone i knew pre-transition the other day and they didn't notice it at all, so i dont know, things feel somewhat bleak

That doesn't necessarily mean much. If you're wearing man clothes, don't wear make up and your voice sounds exactly the same, most people who knew you before might have assumed you just let your hair grow. Effeminate men exist, if they knew you were into men before they probably didn't want to risk assuming you're trans.

Anyway, I've things to do.
I wish you the best of lucks, OP.

honestly online friendships are the best bet until you can find more irl connection

i guess im fortunate enough to have a few of those, its incredibly hard to actually connect with people