I feel like om losing my boyfriend

Question

I feel like om losing my boyfriend

we used to be super in love and talk as much as we could every day but it seems to be different now.
ill explain more but first some context:

long distance (few hours apart)

a little over 2 years together

i have a history of suicide attempts and severe mental illness

the above caused me to gain weight due to medication (which ive been trying to lose again with medium success)

he used to be super caring, ask me how i am, ask about my day and be generally very invested in our relationship.
things have changed. he mostly replies with emojis to the things i say, rarely even asks to call and when were in a call theres mostly silence. when i try to talk to him he gets annoyed because he wants to play some game or watch something.
we used to be very horny for each other but now he doesnt even talk to me about stuff like that anymore unless i start it.
we havent had sex in months because im very dysphoric but i try to give him head whenever he wants it.
we used to visit each other frequently (about once a month) but now he finds excuses saying hes busy and that he wouldnt know what we were to do anyways. (id just be happy to be around him i literally dont care what we do i just want to be around him)
i tried talking to him and begged him to tell me what im doing wrong and he expressed having issues with understanding my mental illnesses and essentially told me to "think more positive". he also expressed that my weight bothers him but he said he loves me regardless.

if he loves me as much as he says why does it feel like im losing him?
i understand that he started to date me when i was thinner and i understand that he might not be attracted to me anymore but why does he not just tell me upfront if thats the case? seeing this end so slowly is so incredibly painful.

id be happy to hear any kind of advice.
please.

he expressed having issues with understanding my mental illnesses and essentially told me to "think more positive". he also expressed that my weight bothers him but he said he loves me regardless.

That is a lie. He's saying that to be nice.

yeah thats what im thinking too.
why doesnt he just tell me the truth?

lose weight op. you are too FAT

he needs a cute anime girl

he also expressed that my weight bothers him but he said he loves me regardless.

Lol
Lose weight, fatso

Be honest with him about how you feel. Tell him that you feel like he's becoming distant and that you feel like you're losing him. Tell him that you feel like he doesn't love you anymore becausenof your weight/health issue. Ask him how he feels about your relationship together and how he wants things to go forward. You need to have an open and honest dialogue in a relationship. Drifting apart like this causes the most problems. Things aren't over yet, the two of you still have an opportunity to get close again, but it will take a lot of work and you should be ready for him to break up with you. That's what has to be done unless you want to see things wither away painfully and slowly.
P.S. don't listen to the retards who are trying to speak on behalf of your boyfriend.

because he knows he will be yelled at/get a horrible reaction from you

yes, im working on losing weight.
i barely eat anymore.
its difficult because im too anxious to leave the house.

i wouldnt yell at him im not that kind of person. id get very sad and cry instead.

thanks a lot for this reply. i tried talking to him and while he doesnt say everything is perfect he still keeps insisting he still loves me and that he wants our relationshjp to continue.
something that i found particularly weird in our last *talk* was his reaction when i wanted a definitive statement about our possible future regarding kids and a family which he has been very evasive about in the past. his response was that we should live in the moment and let that be a problem of our future selves. i kept asking and asking and asking because i wanted a final statement but he wouldnt give one so i point blank asked if he was gonna dump me in 10 yrs when he realizes he wants to have bio kids with a real wife. he said that wouldnt happen but i went as insecure out of the conversation as i went into it.

Nah. A quality partner would be there for you in sickness and in health. Not saying you shouldn't lose weight, but I think that if he truly loved you he wouldn't become distant because of something that is a result of going through a dark time. A real partner would understand that, while times are tough, you can get through it. They'd want to help you.

maybe hes sick of having to help me?
its been a little over 2 years now and ive been going through crisis after crisis

So basically I'm saying that a good partner would stay by your side no matter how ugly things get. They'd understand mental health can be treated and weight can be lost.

It's great that he says that stuff, but words are cheap. My exes both broke up with me within an hour of their last "I love you" to me. What the two of you need to do is getting your expectations and behaviors in line with each other. If you need more attention, make that known. If he won't even try to be a bit more attentive to you then he's never really considering you in the first place and isn't a good partner.
Maybe that's the case, but you can't know if it is or not until he says it himself. Speculation won't do much good.

maybe hes having a mental crisis of his own? is there any history

yes he could be sitting in his room contemplating his life while playing this song in the background

youtube.com/watch?v=N3oCS85HvpY

here's the truth, anonette. he's thinking about the fact that he basically has to carry you on his shoulders. you are an anchor around his neck.

he will never say this but no one wants an anchor around their neck. it's not your fault that you have problems but it is YOUR responsibility to seek help and be a better you. how would you feel if all he had was trauma to dump on you? exactly. if you want to keep him, tell him that you will seek help and then DO IT. be upset and cry if you want but this is how it works. no one can solely carry another, forever.

i really really **really** want to believe what he says, but he used to say its cute how clingy i am and now he says im too clingy even after ive learned to literally stop myself from texting him as often or asking for a call in the evening.

he doesnt have a history of mental health issues and im paying very close attention to his moods and it really doesnt seem like it.
maybe hes good at masking it though, idk.

here's the truth, anonette. he's thinking about the fact that he basically has to carry you on his shoulders. you are an anchor around his neck. he will never say this but no one wants an anchor around their neck.

yes thats what comes to mind first, right? ive felt like being an anchor to people all my life but when i try to end myself suddenly everyone cares and supports me. i think thats very unfair.
as for seeking help, im a psych ward regular, i go to ambulant therapy once every 3 weeks, i go to my psychiatrist once every month, i go to my endocrinologist once every 3 months, im pursuing my transition by getting laser once every 6 months, visiting a vocal coach and engaging in feminine care.
please believe me when i say that im trying my fucking best.
it was the decision of my loved ones to bring me back to life after every single ones of my attempts.
why do that when they just see me as an anchor? it wouldve saved me and them lots of pain and effort if they wouldve just let me die right then and there.

thanks a lot for this reply. i tried talking to him and while he doesnt say everything is perfect he still keeps insisting he still loves me and that he wants our relationshjp to continue.

something that i found particularly weird in our last *talk* was his reaction when i wanted a definitive statement about our possible future regarding kids and a family which he has been very evasive about in the past. his response was that we should live in the moment and let that be a problem of our future selves. i kept asking and asking and asking because i wanted a final statement but he wouldnt give one so i point blank asked if he was gonna dump me in 10 yrs when he realizes he wants to have bio kids with a real wife. he said that wouldnt happen but i went as insecure out of the conversation as i went into it.

I'm gonna be honest, this sounds like me before I ended up breaking up with my ex. I would purposely be obtuse to try not to "lie" but honestly, I didn't want kids with her, and I didn't really enjoy being around her that much anymore. On our phone calls I would also mostly be silent because I felt like we didn't really have that much in common and never really had "fun" talks anymore. I think part of that was because of her being super insecure, making me drive her everywhere, pay for all of our food, constantly clean up after her, etc. If I had to guess, he still loves you (I still loved my ex), but he's realized you aren't lifelong partners or truly the ones for each other. Just being honest. I know it probably hurts.

If it helps, she also gained weight from when we first started dating, but that had nothing to do with us drifting apart. In fact, I found her a lot more attractive in a lot of ways when she was heavier (bigger titties, hips, ass, etc.)

Maybe he's just left the honeymoon period and he doesn't know how to reconcile his love for you with the flaws he didn't used to see.

have depression

don't take proper care of myself

get fat

"wtf why does my bf not want to date me anymore"

Jeez, Anonette. It's a complete mystery

yeah that sadly sounds a lot like my situation, although i dont make him pay for anything or drive me anywhere, clean up after me and so on.

this hurts a lot. im being overwhelmed by feelings right now and not in a good way.i dont know how to handle this. im pretty much unable to regulate my emotions.

both of these are very fair but why not just tell me :(

why do that when they just see me as an anchor? it wouldve saved me and them lots of pain and effort if they wouldve just let me die right then and there.

guilt of being responsible for a death is a bigger anchor than the annoyance of caring for a depressed person
t. same general boat, never received a definitive answer to more or less the same question

The only person who knows why he won't say anything is him. You could try to confront him and end things yourself. I am sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed right now. These feelings are temporary and you will heal. They're a natural part of life and need to be experienced in order to move on.

both of these are very fair but why not just tell me :(

my sister in heterosexuality, you can not be this naive. depression does not mean retarded, last i checked. WE ARE ANONYMOUS. there is no social repercussion for us telling you anything. meanwhile, if your bf says what he is actually thinking, you could potentially:

ghost him

sui

kill him

murder sui

any other unstable shit idk

use your brain and put yourself in his shoes. do you want to be in a relationship where you have to constantly walk on eggshells with everything you say and do or else your partner melts down?

both of these are very fair but why not just tell me :(

A lot of people are simple avoidant of issues in relationships One reason or another, they erronously believe it's easier to just wait until either the problem stops being a point of the discussion or the other person leaves

You put yourself into your bad relationship situation but your boyfriend is a little bitch for not being honest about it

This is me again. Because we hate seeing our loved ones sad, especially knowing that we caused the pain. We make ourselves believe we're helping you by staying with you, when in reality we're just making things harder every day. I stayed with my ex for 2 years longer than I should've, and it's the worst decision I've made in my life, mainly because it made things so much worse for her. I felt like I was going to die when I told her I wanted to break up. It was a living hell for months until she moved out. Every day I constantly hate myself for doing that to her and wasting her time and youth.

People fucking suck. We don't know what we're doing. We want to help, but we end up doing the opposite.

Please don't be too hard on him even though he most likely deserves it. He will love you forever and probably think about you for the rest of his life. He was too cowardly to do the right thing, and it gets exponentially harder to do the right thing every single day that passes.

I'm sorry, anonette. Please take care of yourself. You aren't an anchor around his neck, you're just not meant for each other. Someone else will love you and treat you the way you need to be treated.

I felt like we didn't really have that much in common and never really had "fun" talks anymore.

aw this thread is starting to turn sour :(

i mean i guess thats just the reality of love
cherish it while its good, dont lose your head when it expires

i dont know, theyre forcing me to keep suffering. how do they not feel evil and cruel for doing so?

You could try to confront him and end things yourself.

ive tried and im not willing to go harder. theres also no way im gonna end the relationship by leaving him. ill love him forever no matter what he does. if i were to seek an escape it would be suicide.

youre right although the only thing that would happen is that id kill myself. i never understood why people feel the need to take down someone else with them.

the avoidance likely causes more harm than being direct...

You put yourself into your bad relationship situation but your boyfriend is a little bitch for not being honest about it

i dont deserve him.

Please don't be too hard on him even though he most likely deserves it. He will love you forever and probably think about you for the rest of his life.

were each others first but i planned to stay with him for the rest of my life and in the beginning it felt like he wanted the same. ill always love him. id never be hard on him. he could literally do whatever he wanted and id stay with him. id never be able to end the relationship by breaking up with him, cheating on him or anything other than deleting myself. it really felt like we were meant for each other especially because weve known each other for a long time and always had each others backs even before we became a couple.

You aren't an anchor around his neck, you're just not meant for each other.

im an anchor around every persons neck in my orbit. the other anon was sadly right. by keeping me alive theyre actively making their and my life worse. i dont understand the point of it all.
thank you for being this understanding, respectful and honest anon.

You know, you'd probably have an actual chance of saving your relationship if you stopped acting like such a woe is me, dramatic dumbass and actually worked to improve yourself

WAAAAA i'm anxious

Grow the fuck up. The anxiety you're feeling now is way worse than the anxiety you get from eating well and going to the gym

this is really mean and unfair anon ;-;
ive listed all of the things i already do/did in this post and what youre doing is the equivalent of telling someone depressed to just be happy

Please don't do anything drastic. You're not making his or anyone else's life worse. If anything, they're lucky to have you. If they didn't want you around them they would've let you die. That's the honest truth.

I am telling you right now that if things don't work between you, you WILL find someone else. It may not feel like it right now, but you will. My ex told me the same exact thing when I was breaking up with her. She told me she'd never be with anyone else and that her life was ruined. It's only been 8 months, and she's already found a new bf who she's told me treats her better than I ever did, and that she's incredibly happy. This will be you. You just need to believe and keep working on yourself.

If you want to talk or get more of my perspective on what he's probably thinking, I'd be happy to chat on Discord. Just let me know.

they would rather have a depressed bitch than a dead one, believe me. you think anyone is perfect? fck no thats how humans are, we are all flawed creatures

Seconding this. His and yours choice to keep an empty relationship is only going to worsen things. Tears will be shed either way, it's up to you how many and for how long. Rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later and the quicker you both can suffer just that much less and move on to greener pastures.

exactly.

Please don't do anything drastic. You're not making his or anyone else's life worse. If anything, they're lucky to have you. If they didn't want you around them they would've let you die. That's the honest truth.

this is very kind of you to say but like that one anon said, they probably saved me out of self pity.

i will never find someone like him again. NEVER. not just because im disgusting and unlovable as fuck but also because i highly doubt that someone as genuine, caring, lovingly and understanding as him exists out there. ive never felt what ive felt for him for anyone else before and i never will feel anything like this for anyone but him.

If you want to talk or get more of my perspective on what he's probably thinking, I'd be happy to chat on Discord. Just let me know.

as long as you promise to block me as soon as i become an anchor to you you can add me: fooneral (haha funny edgy programmer joke!)

you think anyone is perfect?

no i dont but while hes as close to perfect as it gets im heavily flawed and i deserve to die for it.

i dont want him to suffer. i want him to be happy. thats all i want. i love him dearly. but i cant break up with him. i just cant. hes the love of my life.

i deserve to die for it.

no you dont.
you think youre the worst, because you think youre hurting other people.
let that sink in. you actually care for others and you ask yourself why others would want you around. its so painfully obvious. youre not a bad person, you only have a twisted self perception.

by getting laser once every 6 months

Huh? Ur supposed to do it every 6 weeks

i meant 6 weeks sorry im all over the place.

You should send him this thread and say you made it and how the whole situation is affecting you
Long distance relationships are always retarded and doomed anywsy

Mentally fucked people sap the energy of normal people like a dry sponge. Plus, you're fat, you're not fucking him and he has to constantly walk on eggshells around you so you don't have a mental breakdown. Basically there's nothing to gain on his side, but everything to lose. He's probably surveying the land to find something better and dump yo ass, at least that's what a smart person would do.

Get your shit together

Yes
We literally give out advice to NOT date the trannies here (from professional trannyfuckers to others), since they are 11 psych disorders and none of them cancel out

But it doesn't sound like you're trying. It's one thing to have empathy for someone struggling with depression. But it's annoying to see someone just giving up.