Mom will never see me as a girl :(

just got done with a long conversation with my mom where she tried to convince me to cut my hair. she knows im trans but thinks im just autistic or something and not actually a tranny. She doesn't know im on e and if she has any amount of self awareness would know this is my last connection to femininity. She said i was unhealthily attached to my hair and i should cut it off. I almost broke down and told her that its the only part of my body i like because the rest of me looks like such a moid but i really dont wanna get into another argument with her about my gender. I just sort of resigned and said i didn't wanna talk about it anymore.

Then we sat there in silence and i almost cried because im losing her. Im losing my mom. The act of being masc i put on for years to please her is all she can see of me, when i try to show her myself she just tells me to put it away and forget about it. Your not a girl anon don't be silly! Your my oldest son.

We hugged before i went upstairs. I know ill just disappoint her. I know this hug is one of the last. When i finally troon out full time she might never come back to me. I feel my shoulders enveloped by her and remember how broad they are and it disgusts me, I know one day ill get a surgery to lessen their size and i will feel amazing and she will cry over the true death of her son. I know shell always see me as a man as the most important person in my life. Shit makes me sad :(

youre a pet
youre her plaything
youre the thing she uses to prop up her ego
she regards your body as a means to live vicariously in the world of males, at a nice safe distance
she doesnt care about you
she never cared about you
the mother you thought you had was a lie created so she could negotiate a means of a more complete existence with the shadow aspect of herself
this is how it always is
never, ever let them feel like they own your body

Are you an autistic transbian addicted to the internet though?

I'm sorry, anon. That sounds terrible. I know how you feel, because I can relate my circumstances to yours.
A couple years ago, I realized I had been gender dysphoric for a long time, and I told my mom I wanted to transition; but she broke down crying, telling me awful things I wish she hadn't, and our relationship was strained for a while. I eventually told I "got over it," and actually did cut my hair, and tried my best to convince myself of it, and to be a normal guy and become naturally masc and happy about it, completely clearing my mind of transitioning for the next couple years.
I've now been taking EV + cypro for 33 days (which isn't long, but has felt like a long time), having bought it online, and I'm regrowing my hair, and I know I can't tell her about this, because I know the same thing would happen again. And so I won't tell her until I've moved out and have been on HRT for a long time and can go full time, like you. But like you, I'm really sad and worried, because I know she'll eventually be disappointed and break down again, and our relationship will be ruined, and that the image of me she'll always have in her mind is always going to be that of a manly son.

anon, how can you hear these things, know these things, and feel an ounce of pity or care? if id have known about HRT as a teen id have injected that shit purely to spite her

yea it sucks :( i cant live this lie anymore the idea of being a man genuinely disgusts me but i still care about and love my parents.

My dad will often talk about how much he misses "the old me" from when i was like an 8 year old kid when my unmasked autism was cute and i didn't have the words to express why i was so uncomfortable with how i looked all the time.

I know even then i felt gender dysphoria i just didn't have a name for it. I want them to be on this journey with me i don't wanna hide whats happening anymore but ik i have to :(

related only to picrel but in what world is 3 years "so much younger". Larp detector beeping

could v well be larp but shit hits so idc

Because despite that, I love my mom. That's the only time she ever said anything like that to me or treated me that way, which made it hurt all the worse. And now, even with just a couple years' difference in age, I'm more proactive, independent, and won't be as easily scared into compliance from transitioning by the prospect of that happening again, as much as I wish she were on my side here.

are you stupid? can you not see what theyre doing?

Heyyy that’s my old thread probably my most reposted thread

Trying to make me not transition? No, I see that. At least that's what she was doing when she thought I was about to.

no no, do you not understand why she doesnt want you to transition?

You mean her son
Fuck trannies are maniipukative lol

Basically, because she thinks I would look freakish and ruin both our lives. She thinks I would be mutilating myself. It would be expensive and hurt me in my career. It would make our conservative extended family ostracize us. Those are things I remember she told me.

why are you comfortable being talked about like youre property lol
youre not her anything, she chose to bear you, she made the decision to wank over the concept of you for however many years it took you to grow up like the ugly little nonce most women quietly are
how the fuck could you love that?

and you believed them?

Pathology writ large in your response

lol according to whom, the nonce that bore you?

I was just scared and didn't want to be ostracized by my mom and honestly didn't expect that reaction. She's always said it would be okay if I turned out gay, so I thought she would be okay with me transitioning. I was hoping I could go to therapy and go on HRT as a teenager.
Why? It sounds like you have a reason in mind with:

no no, do you not understand why she doesnt want you to transition?

wanting your child tk grow up without self harming delusions is sexual abuse because it tangentially pertains to willies

No

oh it is, hope things have gotten at least a bit better for you since then

you're*
you're*

You are just incredibly mentally ill and need to be taken to the Vet and be put down so that your mother can finally grieve for the son she lost long ago and be rid of the shambling husk of the child she once had and loved, and end the cycle of childhood sexual abuse you would only strive to continue until your inevitable suicide when male pattern baldness and middle aged spread sets in.

I want them to be on this journey with me i don't wanna hide whats happening anymore but ik i have to :(

I'm sorry. I wish I could virtually hug you now. I'm the same anon who was replying to you before.

be me

give birth to a son

love my son, raise him for years

form a mental paradigm of who my son is, love those aspects of him which make him himself

suddenly one day he tells me that my son is dead and i now have a daughter

i am supposed to be completely onboard with this with absolutely no friction

I diagnose you with autism and a lack of empathy.

Im losing my mom.

yeah :(

Why go on this board and just try to tear down low self-esteem trannies? Don't you have anything better to do?

I'm not tearing down anyone. From the mother's perspective, she is being told her entire history with her son has all been a fabrication. If you can't see how that might cause someone severe distress, you are completely devoid empathy. If someone tells you something you have done and it makes you feel bad, maybe you ought to not do things that make you feel bad.

I mean, from the mother's perspective, it's more like:

have son

discourage any sign of feminine self-expression

don't even let him have long hair without resistance

slowly becomes distant and depressed

this is his fault

And you see that, and you see OP should have more empathy for her mother because she could just have been less feminine. That's actually devoid of empathy.

If her entire history with her child is based around their gender, then she has no history with the child.

Op anon, its literally the only thing i like ab my body and think is fem and she knows that

He's miserable, and making other people more miserable than him is the only way he can make himself feel a bit better about his life.

Why would I be miserable? I just folded my laundry and I'm about to shop for clothes?