Qott1 : Are you paranoid ? Is there something specific that you are paranoid about ?
/repgen/repressor general, paranoia edition
kys
32
losing sleep nightly over fantasies of worshipping and fucking dudes as a woman
have had the exact same impossible sexuality and insane yet also boring fantasies since puberty
have never not had shame about it and hate myself and wish i was dead after every time i fap
have never been able to force myself to get off to anything else as much no matter how hard i try
don't like gay porn or the idea of gay relationships so i can't go gay
could never pass so i can't troon out
women already think i'm weird and unattractive so i couldn't even try dating a woman if i wanted to, even if none of my sexuality involves me being a man and having sex with a woman i still wish i could be normal
can never talk to anyone about it because it's disgusting and my biggest source of self hate and shame
will probably die a kissless virgin because everything about my sexuality doesn't make sense and is impossible
i can even go for 6+ months without fapping at all and my tastes never change. i'm going to go through my entire life alone because i'm a freak and will never change and it's impossible for me to be a woman or even remotely resemble one. i really don't know what i did to deserve this pointless life. you can call me a disgusting porn addicted coomer or whatever but it was always there way before i watched porn, just with agp fantasies of becoming a woman. the fucking men part didn't come until puberty.
This is going to be my future as well. I'd considered myself gay since accepting that I liked guys and not women after trying to gaslight myself into thinking I was straight around puberty. However, I realized quite a bit later on that that wasn't entirely honest either after realizing the overwhelming majority of gay guys like stuff involving guys who are both relatively masc. I always went for basically femboy stuff because I wanted to be that myself. I realize now that I was looking for a cope for wanting to actually be female.
Rude
i've tried endless times to get into gay porn but it's disgusting to me. i've always self inserted as the woman in straight porn. it's how i found out about agp, it was always automatic for me since day 1 of puberty and i hate myself because of it. i've missed out on youthful relationships and intimacy because i'm this fucked up mistake of a human. i don't have any advice for you if you can't transition like me. it's just a nonstop self loathing experience where you block out stuff for a while and think you're okay being basically asexual and alone forever until you're not. i feel so entirely alone i can't confide in anyone about this and shut myself entirely out of a big part of the human experience (dating and sex) because my mind and body are completely disconnected from each other. i don't want to waste some woman's time either pretending to be in a male role when i don't want that.
also i'm gonna leave the thread again for weeks/months because even posting about this stuff is embarrassing for me because i don't ever feel valid. more like a mentally ill porn addict. i wish all older reppers the best though.
What are we drinking today, ladies?
I ran out of wine so only water and coffee :(
Milk honey tea because I'm a woman with woman tastes
water
I want to make a roguelike but I'm retarded.
[code]input("You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.")
print("You died")[/code]
more of a zorklike
vanilla coke zero
ai to the rescue!
i've heard, i'm too retarded to use it ;__;
Unbelievably based picrel, OP.
Which kind of roguelike, male anon?
I had to put my dcfagging somewhere
Bump
should i take hrt tomorrow
Same here
It's easy for people to blame it on porn but I didn't see porn till I was like 13, and I had been praying to wake up as a girl since I was 5
take your fucking HRT, retards
YES
None of it matters
I could achieve every single goal I have, in my career, hobbies, learning things, travelling, making good money, fitness, and none of it will get me even a tiny bit closer to being how I want to be
It's all cope, and I can only grind so long before I crash and have a miserable depressed few days, and then throw myself back in again
To continue on what said, it'd be so nice if you could actually just talk to people about this
My internet friends dont care at all about me being a loser, or liking guys, or any of that shit, but if I ever brought this up it'd destroy the few relationships I have
Noone wants to hang around a crazy person
Well, time for some cycling so that I can stay slim and not turn into a grotesque gigantic ogre of a man
anybody else just not care about anything? With the current state of geopolitics and struggling with health + just barely making ends meet I hardly give a shit if I have boobs or not. I don't know if it's a side effect of getting older or what but I feel like an NPC now.
Kind of. I just want to improve my life even a little bit so that I'm not just enduring things.
I don't even need much, just a normal income, some days off, good health and sleep.
If I have all that I think I'll cope better with this stuff too, or at least won't be so damn exhausted all the time which always brings me lower.
I've been feeling pretty similar the past few years, not that I'm completely apathetic but I've been getting to a point where I'm more interested in my own thoughts and feelings instead of what's going on with the world at large.
why shouldn't i kms
I think the current state of geopolitics is starting to get interesting.
That's something you have to figure out for yourself. Why haven't you so far? More of the same probably. ¯_ (ツ)_/¯
because my parents are alive and care about me
but after they die, why actually bother living especially since i live in a third world country?
You killing them soon? They seem like they're going anywhere fast? If not then maybe just wait and see how you feel then instead of worrying about it now. Life doesn't always go the ways you'd expect.
I can 100% relate to this. This is the worst sexuality.
why would anything change? surely not
Because shit happens unexpectedly sometimes, for better and worse. ¯_ (ツ)_/¯
mom is mentally ill
Dad is mentally ill
got both their mental problems
i hate them so much
whatever happened to people taking pride in their work?
the thing i'm paranoid the most about is getting fired. i'm always worried i'm going to screw something up and get walked so i try my best to do as many things well as i can. my co-workers will call me things like ocd. i'm not ocd. i just know what it's like to get blindsided by a company and walked for stupid shit. i'm constantly on the backfoot as i feel my boss hates me for being looney-troons, and abuses my work ethic as a result. ya i double check to make sure i locked up at the end of the night. not because i'm worried about someone breaking in, but because i don't want to get fired for not locking up right. at home? i'll get drunk, pass out, and leave the door right open. what's the worst that happens? someone breaks in?
work drives my paranoia through the roof because i just wanna stay employed. my last experiences job hunting were so bad. i can't go over a year without work because no one wants to hire a tranny. i have gaps in my resume and people are like what happened? people were legally allowed to discriminate against hons. you couldn't even get a job at dunkin donuts.
Wake up
Go to take shower
Look down
See grotesque female body
Day ruined.
deciding if i should take my hrt today or not
How does one cope as a biological female who has somehow developed all the typical male insecurities, including height, dick size, how much I can lift, and avoiding gay/girly stuff?
Saw myself in a photo yesterday, btw. I wish I could reroll. Ugly AND a latent tranny.
You tell me cister, I'm the exact same. Mostly Ive been wallowing in self pity and suffering my retarded brain. Gym coping is good tho desu