BPDeamon Transfem having a yap about being lonely ig

Question

BPDeamon Transfem having a yap about being lonely ig

Discord and society likes to hug box me but even hearing how doctors use the term bpd or diagnose people with bpd behind closed doors as "bad person disorder" and that we're "untreatable" makes me sort of realize everyone would prob be happier if i was dead or like a submissive sex object for some guy on Anon Babble

everyone i've been close friends with has abandoned me

The ones whom i chace after asking why they decided to ghost me randomly basically tell me to kill myself

the ones that are direct say i'm too much

doctors essentailly say the same thing about me in complex terms "untreatable"

so when everyone says the same thing what do you do?

I drink and go on Anon Babble and pretend you're all my friends and its good because i can't be a problem to you

i love you anons :)

realistically i wont survive past 20 at most

bpd is literally highly treatable and has been considered so for over 20 years. therapy and meds

hey anon... wanna friend each other on discord. I'm feeling the same way although im not sure if I have BDP I recently loss my family and I've lost a lot of friends who have drifted away from me.

I've also just... been contemplating suicide so so bad. But I'm too much of a pussy.

everyone i've been close friends with has abandoned me

real

doctors essentailly say the same thing about me in complex terms "untreatable"

the medical system is bullshit don't buy the narratives they push on you

realistically i wont survive past 20 at most

you're young and there's time. don't prematurely commit yourself to a narrow and dark path

Not really? meds literally do nothing but sedate you into a retarded trance, much like what ends up happening to the BPD ppl I know, either getting hooked on antidepressants or antipsychotics.

they don't work though i'm still getting abandoned and etc i think i must be like super bpd or something

i went years without treatment and it progressed to the stage where its sort of like to a point where like because everyone runs off eventually my brains stopped getting attached and clingy to people and started automatically objectifying people and comodifying them
they don't feel like people anymore
sort of like
strange animals
with odd behaviours
they're not human they don't act alive
they sort of all act the same
its sort of hard to believe everyone sort of feels and thinks freely for themself

sure we can talk it'd be better than staring devolving alone ig

bruhmaster3000

this
as a bpd person i'm doomed to either be hooked on hard drugs or be hooked on medically perscribed drugs that essentailly do the same shit without the fun

The meds aren't to help ME they're to make me tolerable to others

the medical system dosen't help BPD people it makes them easier for society to use ,manipulate and force into a zombie state to do the labor no one else wants to do but it doesn't help them they don't feel better they just stop feeling and turn into a robot giving up on a career or hobbies and just working in a loop

Did you ever sit down and think "what can i do to avoid being 'too much' for other people, what things have i done that upset others, and how can i regulate my emotions more so that i don't do those things as much or at all"?

had an lcsw over at mt sinai treat me like absolute filth. i didn't let them steam roll me, i stood up and advocated for myself. i didn't let them gaslight me. basically: in prep for srs you have to have all your ducks in a row. they didn't believe i had my ducks in a row so after a certain point i meet their attitude with equal levels of cynisism. don't tell me to book an airbnb when you can't even give me a surgery date. don't ask me to show you my bank account. don't ask for my tax returns. that's none of your business. they were young millenials that tried to push me away because i didn't fit they didn't think i was trans enough. liberal academia woke bullshit. i reported them. i got a couple calls from different people from the hospital. one from an older gentlemen. they each interviewed me. finally i got asked to come in to talk to one of their psychiatrists. no psyche eval. no discussion. he scolds me for 15 minutes about how i can't yell at his staff regardless of bad they were at their jobs. makes me sign a behavioral contract stating that they can deny me service for whatever reason they want and that them performing srs on me is a privelege, not a medical necessity. get out and check the mycharts, he labelled me as bpd. the rest of my treatment from mt sinai was poor as a result of them not believing me when i voiced real concerns. i had massive dehiscence and they didn't know what to do. i had to figure out my own anti-biotics to treat myself because none of the surgical team would take a look at it. they assumed i was being hyperbolic or attention seeking based on the diagnosis their psychiatrist gave me. massive physical pain. the amount of people i had intruding on my privacy during recovery was appauling. they would send other lcsw's to interview me, i'd humor them, and then when they'd ask about follow-up i told them to kindly mind their business as i didn't request their services. they didn't like that.

Of course not lmao that's what makes them a BPDemon

Christ OP isn't even 20 years old yet and she's already BPD'd her way out of every friendship she's had so far. They are incapable of understanding how their insane mind games are disconnected from reality and makes them an absolutely insufferable person to be around

I want OP to je my yandere gf /:

That's the whole bit, the younger you are, the worse it is.

it's not because of meds
bpd is usually alleviated by eventually having a stable relationship
and any kind of therapy other than DBT is usually ineffective

Not my problem. Sounds like something the BPDemon needs to work out on her own before she can have any kind of real human connection

i don't even play mind games!
with mt sinai specifically, they asked why i went to them after having previous work done elsewhere. i mentioned i didn't have a great experience with one of the surgeons. when asked about if they could do both ffs and srs at the same time, they said to pick just one. that's bollucks. when asked about wait time, they gave me some in ordinately long wait time. i went elsewhere and got ffs done. only after they'd heard musings of what i had done (got ffs with insurance approval after winning appeals) did i get a call back from them. i remember their staff vividly in the other end of the phone giggling when asking if i still wanted ffs with them after a year of no contact. i told them i had it done elsewhere and they shut up real quickly.

don't tell me to go back to where i came from and then act offended when i do. that's ridiculous.

mindgames? i played no mindgames. i was honest and upfront with them. when they fell short i gave them critical feedback. like: if your staff doesn't want client calling them back on their personal cellphone, then why are they calling clients from it in the first place? to me that says they're trying to get away with something as they don't want to call from the facility's recorded landline. or like: if you don't want to offend people, don't tell them to go back to where they came from. capiche? to me that just sounds like the lcsw projected her bpd onto me and the psychiatrist simped for her monica lewinsky.

I think the deep seated desire of BPDemons is not of fear of abandonment but of revenge. Their actions are always abusive and acting in a way to cause emotional pain, often by cheating. All their backstories that turn them into bpds is of being betrayed, so they constantly betray others now. Unfortunately this seems to be the real logical reason for their behavior.

is it getting revenge if you're only ever getting even?
treat others the way you want to be treated right? if someone treats me like trash, why am i not allowed to treat them the same in kind?

ah, the common "walking on eggshells" experience. BPDs have exaggerated insecurity and this sets up an unfair unbalanced relationship dynamc where they can be abusive and gaslight it into their partner.

...that is exactly what that other poster was talking about, lmfao

This bitch don't even know what the wheel of Samsara is ahahhaha

i can only go in extremes
i'm either too much or too little and we barely know each other
or i ask why i wasn't invited to games and chill and its like "oh you barely speak we didn't really think of x"

and it hurts

You literally just turned an incident consisting of two 5 minute phone calls into a revenge story of epic proportions wherein you SHOWED THEM and SHUT THEM UP
You're not bpd, you're a narcissist.

okay so i can't be around people but mental wards don't lock you up in padded cells so whats the solution? i'd gladly sit around in a cell as long as i had limited internet access eg the ability to watch youtube and interact with others via some odd image board

I will reply to every one who replies to this thread with shit like this because i'm that bored and drunk

not much of a yendere myself but i don't like people leaving me but i don't THINK i'm obessive over people but i am quite clingy but i don't think i'm to the level of knowingly doing manipulative stuff in order to keep people

Except one time where i had an arguement with someone over some dumb shit i got mad at them and instead of readding them and admitting i over reacted i made an alt account stalked their tumblr town then befriended them exploting their autism and lack of friends to my advantage then via the old convinced them to readd me then developed a toxically close friendship via the old then realising that i wanted this relationship with me not the old i made the alt account person who we're gonna call john from now on kill themself so
"john" killed themself because of mental illness and abusive parents or whatever but then the person felt it was sus john killing themself and something was off and was obsesed with them so i made john come back and be a dick on alts and stalk them in order to make john seem like a dick but then they got paranoid about john coming back despite me telling them not to worry and eventully realised i was john and left me and got all my friends to leave me too absoute dick move like fuck them

i'm used to people leaving online but this irl friend felt the need to get everyone else to leave me making me isolated from any people except generic work talks and parents whom i live with as a 20 yr old but they kinda suck in ways i guess but don't idk

but since then i've not done anything bad
also side rant but my therapist says i'm a sociopath because i don't regret doing those things previously mentioned despite the fact i feel and therefore i am infact not a psychopath
lack of empathy for actions does not make you ap psycho i feel bad for stuff all the time i am a good person ,fuck you

BPD

dehumanized and treated like I was retarded entire life for being neurodivergent black tranny

become adult

start standing up for self

people still view me as a bad person anyway

Ain't no winning sis we just need to isolation mode. I have been very happy with my cat, her kids, and my boyfriend.

I drink and go on Anon Babble and pretend you're all my friends and its good because i can't be a problem to you

This is perfect. Comfy socializing on our terms.

yes so isolate in a box to work things out which is why mental wards should bring back padded cells for BPD People since the medical system refuses to treat BPDeamons and they can't function in society correctly so it makes more sense to lock them away until we can fix them via pills

That's not what I said. I did not say you should never interact with other people ever again, you are catastrophizing and extrapolating based on what you want me to have said. You need intensive therapy which you have made a good faith commitment to.

exaggerated insecurity

literal gaslighting them by devaluing their emotional response as hyperbolic.
if you treat them unempathetically, whose the real narcissist?

just take the high road anon!

ok, hillary.
it was more than two 5 minute phone calls. that's you gaslighting the poster as you can't empathize with their experience. i.e. literal narcissistic behavior.

curious why DBT never works

curious that it does if the patients put in the work
you got to want it, simple as that

dehumanized and treated like I was retarded entire life

then they wonder why you come across as cold and uncaring. when no one ever gives af about your problems, but constantly wants you to engage in their's it becomes cumbersome if not outright disrespectful.

like the mad black woman trope. is she really mad by nature, or has all the racist microaggression finally pushed her past her limit?

emotional response as hyperbolic.

Try and read the definition of BPD

Doesn't BPD generally improve over time? PDs aren't that permanent

i don't want to be treated fairly

i will take anything at this point even an abusive toxic relationship

i will find joy in drinking their blood or being forced to cut myself if it means they wont leave me and will stick by me the matter what

as long as they care despite their problems i will love them and care for them as long as they do feel bad when they hurt me and love me then i will love them even if they hurt me to the point of near death as long as they don't kill me i will love them

i'm the kind that'd date patrick batemen or jeffrey dahmer if it meant he truely loved me despite the lack of anything

Yes anon letting people treat you specifically with disrespect to the point of it hurting your job prospects, financial gain, or social reputation is a good idea. This has working out historically for many people.

therapy hasn't cured me tho i've done everything they said the meds don't actually fix things they make me manageable for you they don't make me happy or atleast okay in my current situation

heres what happens if meds are really just secrelty to make the person managable

take meds

feel dumb and hollow

people are less mad but i feel empty

stop taking meds because i feel like shit

people wont take them if it means they feel like shit
you need others and them happy

Have you ever considered you can stand up for yourself without hitting back at the other party

Interesting you assume I'm hitting anyone with anything.... I think you're entering the conversation assuming things about BPDs. Did you date one for 2 years and trigger them constantly?

no i get it.
bpd is they come up to you and over exagerate the severity of something and when you ask them for proof they can't prove it so they throw a tantrum.
the difference, or rather when they're not bpd, is when they can provide evidence sufficiently supporting their claim. then they aren't lying or over exagerating. that implies disorder in those assessing the individual.
some clinicians will use diagnosis as a means of punishing an individual. curing a client means losing a client, hence therapy and the mental health profession can come across as a joke. what incentive is there for them to do their job adequately if it means losing their cash cow?

You literally just said

is it getting revenge if you're only ever getting even?

treat others the way you want to be treated right? if someone treats me like trash, why am i not allowed to treat them the same in kind?

How is getting revenge not hitting back? Yes I've dated a couple of you crazy fucks and it nearly ruined my life permanently...twice. you constantly and incessantly gaslight and demand complete emotional subservience, while downplaying everyone else's emotional whiplash from having to deal with your constant games. I'm not assuming shit, I'm just aware of how you work. It's not my job to be on the 24/7 eggshells of a BPDemon's emotional rollercoaster. It's 1) exhausting and 2) insanity inducing. Being unable to express anything other than fawning devotion (which is also a trap because then you'll assume I'm just faking it) is a recipe for self defeat.

You sound bpd yourself. Maybe something to think about.

Classic BPDemon gaslighting and redirection. Won't work on me though

Hey man do you have a discord or add me(voonst) you seem to have figured it out too.